The Human side of me
by RoxxiSanders
Summary: Even the Doctor has a human side he has emotions just like a normal human being but Martha forgets that sometimes. She thinks he’s completely indestructible but just the mention of one name can make him crumble.


**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Sadly all rights to Doctor Who belong to BBC and not to me.

**A/N **I have absolutely no idea exactly what the inside of the TARDIS looks like but this story has my take on things.

**TITLE: **The Human Side of Me

**AUTHOR: **RoxxiSanders

**SUMMARY:** Even the Doctor has a human side; he has emotions just like a normal human being but Martha forgets that sometimes. She thinks he's completely indestructible but just the mention of one name can make him crumble.

The Human Side of Me

It was way too late to be wandering around the TARDIS in Martha's opinion, of course she wasn't sure what time it was back on earth but not that long ago they had been sitting looking out at the moon. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, hoping that he would get tired and go back to bed soon. Much to her disappointment he didn't, he kept fidgeting around, making absolutely no effort to be quiet. "Please make him go back to bed, please." She needed the sleep but she knew that she wouldn't get it if he didn't quieten down.

Eventually everything seemed to have quietened down and she relaxed back into her pillow, closing her eyes. The soon snapped open however when she heard the soft sobbing coming from just outside her bedroom. She climbed out of bed and walked over to the door, putting her ear against it and straining to hear outside. Her eyes widened in horror as she realised that it was him, the Doctor, her Doctor, sitting outside her door sobbing.

She carefully opened the door to find him sitting cross-legged with his head resting in his hands, hunched over and sobbing uncontrollably. She said nothing, just knelt down behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind. He instantly realised that she was there and pulled away from her, jumping up and quickly trying to wipe away the tears that were falling down his face. "Ready for another trip? Where d'you wanna go?"

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows; confused as to why he was shutting himself off from her, just like every other time she'd tried to comfort him. They always pretended it never happened but the truth was it did. Tonight wasn't the first night she'd woken up and heard him sobbing. Some nights she'd wake to hear him crying his heart out, some nights he was rambling to himself but every time she tried to comfort him he'd just plaster a fake grin on his face and pretend that everything was alright. Whatever his reasons were, she was getting sick of them. "No I'm not ready for another trip, I can't sleep though." He looked at her confused so she carried on. "What's wrong? You were crying."

"No I wasn't, I don't do cry." He swiped away the last few tears on his face and turned to face away from her.

"You can talk to me you know." She tried to coax him into talking to her but he wasn't budging.

"I wasn't crying, I'm fine." His voice was cold and empty, he wasn't fine at all.

"Look I know I'm not Rose, I'm not as good as her but some of the time I know what to say." She sounded hurt and he realised that she had gotten the completely wrong idea.

The sound of her name hurt him too and he felt stupid because of it. Here he was, tough, fearless Time Lord, weakened by a name. "Don't…don't bring her into this." His voice broke and he felt tears threaten to come again. Unable to let her see them he walked away from her and into his own bedroom, locking the door behind him.

She tried to follow him in but realised the door was locked. "I'm not giving up, I'll stand out here all night if I have to!" If shouting through the door was the only way to get through to him then that was what she would do.

"Go away Martha!" She could hear the tears in his voice and her heart broke that little bit more when she heard him snivelling and trying to cover it up with a cough.

"No! I wanna be here for you, why won't you let me?"

"Maybe I don't wanna talk to you!"

"And maybe I know you're talking a load of crap, Doctor! I know I'll never be the girl you want, I can't live up to her; can't be as good as her but that doesn't make me any less of a person! I have feelings too and every time I try to help you, every goddamn time, you push me away! Do you know how that makes me feel?" Her voice broke and she started to cry, making no effort to hide it.

He sighed, "Martha I…" He trailed off, not quite knowing what to say to her or how to make her feel better.

"Forget it, what was I thinking? I mean how could I ever think that you'd open up to anyone other than your precious Rose Tyler?" She turned around dejectedly and walked back into her bedroom but decided that she couldn't sleep so got changed into one of her bathing suits and a skirt then wandered down the hall and into the pool room.

She walked towards the pool but slipped on a puddle and banged her head on the floor. Groaning, she got to her knees and tried to crawl towards the door but the room started spinning before she got there and she collapsed, rolling onto her side and into the pool. She tried desperately to cling to the edge in order to keep afloat but it was no use, she let go and fell under the water as her world went black.

Meanwhile, in the Doctor's room, he was laid on the bed staring into space. He hadn't meant to hurt Martha, she meant too much to him. He didn't even know why he was suddenly so emotional, he was a Time Lord; he wasn't supposed to cry. Rose had meant so much to him and recently all it took was the mention of her name and he was in tears, his human side taking over.

He realised that he owed her an apology, Martha had been trying to help him and he had no right to shout at her for it. He rolled off the bed and walked out of the door and into the hall. He walked across to Martha's room and knocked on the door, calling her name when she didn't answer. "Martha? Martha come on, I need to talk to you." He pushed the door open to find an empty room. He walked in and looked around, trying to figure out where she was. It was then that he saw one of the drawers open, he pulled it open further, looking for clues as to where she had gone. Noticing that her blue and pink tankini was missing, he decided that she must have gone for a swim. He walked out of the room and headed for the pool room, determined to apologise for the way he had reacted and wondering when he had gotten quite so selfish and self piteous.

He entered the pool room and glanced around, looking for her. "Martha? Are you in here Martha?" She didn't answer and he walked over to the swimming pool, horrified by what he saw next. He dived in and swam to the bottom then wrapped an arm around her waist and dragged her up to the surface. He pulled her out of the pool and rolled her onto her back then put his ear to her mouth to see if she was breathing. She wasn't and he started to panic. "Umm, ok you know what to do, umm…" He desperately tried to remember how CPR for humans worked, "Ok fifteen compressions, maybe or was it…umm…oh God I don't know." He started to perform CPR then leaned over, took a deep breath and lightly blew air into her mouth. Nothing happened so he tried again, pleading with her to wake up. "Martha sweetheart please wake up, please. I'm so, so sorry; I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't. Come on wake up, for me; even if it's only to hit me." He tried once again to blow air into her mouth as silent tears fell down his face. "Martha come on I need you, you can't leave me; you're all I have left." He tried once again, not willing to give up on her. He breathed air into her mouth once more and she started to cough and splutter, water spurting from her mouth.

He rolled her onto her side and she coughed out more water then slowly opened her eyes. She tried to sit up but felt woozy and fell back to the floor, passing out as she did so. He gently lifted her into his arms and carried her back to his bedroom, mainly because it was closer than hers. He laid her on his bed and sat beside her, the pair of them dripping wet and soaking the bed sheets but he didn't care. "Martha, sweetheart I am so sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean it. You nearly died because of me, I nearly killed you and I'll never forgive myself for that." He quietly and softly spoke to her unconscious form, silent tears still falling down his cheeks as he turned away from her, unable to face her.

"Wasn't your fault." His head snapped up and he looked at her. She smiled up at him weakly and he continued to cry in front of her, this time not bothering whether she saw him or not. She lifted her arm and he thought she was going to slap him but she surprised him by cupping his cheek and brushing away some of the tears. "You saved my life."

His tears came faster and in floods as she looked at him confused. "Don't say that, if I hadn't shut you out then you wouldn't have fallen in anyway."

"That's not true and you know it." She glared at him stubbornly and he took the hand on his face in his own and laced their fingers together. "I could have slipped any time, clearly tonight just isn't my night."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, first I slip and bang my head, then I try to get up and fall, hurting my ankle in the process. Then I nearly drown and to top it all off…" She muttered quietly and he strained to hear her.

"What?" She looked down at the bedspread and he leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Martha, I didn't hear you; you wanna be heard you gotta speak up."

She looked up at him then back down at the duvet cover. "I've lost you." She stared at the bedspread, hiding her face away from him as tears fell down her face.

"No you haven't." He slid a finger under her chin and gently made her look at him. "Of course you haven't, you'll never lose me."

"Why? Because I'll never have you?" She pulled away from him and swung her legs over the side of the bed, suddenly feeling dizzy and wishing she hadn't bothered. She tried to stand up and stumbled over to the door but then lost her balance as her knees buckled beneath her and she started to fall. She grabbed the doorframe and the Doctor ran over to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her. She struggled against him but eventually gave in and wrapped an arm around his shoulders whilst he helped her get back to the bed. She lay back down and he sat at the side of her.

"Hear me out ok?" She nodded but remained silent as he continued. "Ok, well you haven't lost me and before you say anything, no it isn't because I was never yours to lose. Ever since the day I met you I classed you as more than a passenger; I classed you as a friend." She opened her mouth to speak but he silenced her by putting a finger over her lips. "No, let me finish. You mean so much to me Martha, you're more than just a passenger and…and more than a friend."

She looked up at him, unshed tears in her eyes. "Then tell me, what am I to you? If I'm not 'just a passenger' and not 'just a friend', then what am I?" She pleaded with him, needing to know just how much she meant to him; needing to put her mind at ease but at the same time terrified of the answer he was going to give her.

"You're my Doctor, my Doctor Jones, my Martha, my best friend, my…" He trailed off worried that if he crossed the line she'd leave him, just like everyone else he'd ever cared about.

"You're what?" She tried to stop the tears from falling from her eyes but they spilled over, trailing down her cheeks like rain drops.

"My everything." He stared down at the duvet cover, suddenly interested in the pattern that it had sewn into the fabric. He had said it so softly she wasn't even sure he'd said it at all.

"What?" She asked him again, needing to make sure that she had heard him correct. She had always believed that he belonged to Rose, nobody else, not her, oh no especially not her.

"You're my everything Martha Jones." He looked up at her, tears falling down his face too.

She looked at him, wide eyed, her mouth slightly open. "But…I thought…what about…Rose?"

He closed his eyes and opened them again to look at her. "I think…well I mean…I think I'm over her. Well actually I realised a long time ago that I was over her."

"Then why have you been crying every time her name was mentioned?"

He looked at her before sincerely answering her question, knowing that she needed to hear the truth as much as he needed to say it. "She meant so much to me, played such a big part in my life. I thought I was in love with her." Martha closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry at his last statement because no matter how much she wished it had been her that he loved, she wasn't Rose. "Then she had to go and I was alone again, then I met you." He took hold of one of her hands and she opened her eyes to look at him. "I tried so hard to keep you at a distance, not get too close because I couldn't get hurt again. Then when you got trapped onboard that ship I knew that you were so much more than a passenger, I was starting to class you as a friend and that scared me. Anyway I decided that maybe I could keep you as a friend and stop things going any further but no matter how hard I tried…it didn't work."

His voice broke as a fresh batch of tears fell down his face. Martha pushed herself into a sitting position and used her free hand to wipe them away. "I…Doctor you don't have to…"

"Yes I do, I've been hiding my feelings for too long; you deserve the truth." He took a shaky breath then continued. "The reason I've been so upset when I think of Rose is because I feel like I'm betraying her but I can't help myself. I realised a long time ago that I wasn't in love with her; I'm in love with someone else but I feel like I'm…letting her down, like I always did."

"You never let her down, you saved her…you loved her or cared about her enough to let her go. Even though it hurt you, you let her go so that she'd be safe and that doesn't mean you let her down; it means you made her proud." Martha still hadn't realised that he was referring to her when he said he loved someone else but she had decided that even if he didn't love her as much as she loved him, she would still be there for him. To hold him when he cried and to cheer him up when he was down.

"Part of me knows that but there's a little voice in my head saying that if I let myself love someone else then…" He trailed off and looked at her helplessly.

"She knows that you did everything you could for her, she'd want you to move on." She decided to try and lighten the mood a little so tried to joke with him. "Are there any other voices inside your head? Telling you to do crazy things like…I dunno…try drinking less tea and stop eating all Martha's favourite cherry yoghurts and cheesecake."

Her joke must have worked because he smiled at her and let out a small laugh. "Thank you, for never giving up on me."

She smiled back, glad that the old Doctor, her Doctor, was coming back. "Don't mention it." She looked in his eyes and was shocked by what she saw, admiration, trust and more importantly, love. "You know that person that you said you were in love with?" He nodded, suddenly feeling very scared and vulnerable. "I'm…well I mean…I'm sure she…forget it." She chickened out, afraid that if she had misread the signs, she would make a fool of herself. She smiled and looked away from him, staring at a spot on the wall.

He took a deep breath, "Martha?" She turned her head to look at him and, plucking up all the courage he had, he leaned over and joined his lips to hers. The kiss was gentle and soft, he'd wanted to do this since the day he'd met her in the hospital. Well if he was being honest he had done, it wasn't a genetic transfer at all but it wasn't the same as this one. That day in the hospital he had told her that it meant nothing but this kiss meant everything, portraying everything that he wanted to say but didn't know how to. He pulled back and looked at her; she smiled at him then grabbed the front of his still-soaked t-shirt and pulled him back to her, forcefully crashing her lips against his. Her hands slipped into his damp hair and he moaned softly as her tongue darted out to brush his bottom lip, making him open his mouth in acceptance. They shared a very passionate kiss but then after a few minutes needed to pull away for air. They sat panting heavily until he pulled her back to him and kissed her again, she moved her hands down to his chest and slipped them under his t-shirt. He abruptly pulled away from her, surprised that she was taking charge.

She smirked at him and he sat in shock. "What's the matter, Doctor got your tongue?"

He rolled his eyes at her bad joke then smiled at her before softly and seriously answering her question. "Not all she has."

She lovingly looked at him then leaned up to catch his lips with hers again.

An hour later they both lay cuddled up in the Doctors bed, sweaty and damp, clothes scattered around the bedroom. "Martha?"

She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him. "Yeah?"

He softly smiled at her, the love evident in his eyes. "You know how I said that I was in love with someone else?" She nodded; fear clearly showing in her eyes, terrified that he was going to say that it wasn't her. "Well, I mean…I…I love you Martha Jones. I've loved you since the day I met you." She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I have, I'll admit I didn't love you as anything more than a friend back then but now…you mean so much to me Martha, promise me you'll never leave me."

"I promise, it's taken me long enough to get you, you really think I'm gonna let you go?" He looked at her, vulnerability showing in his chocolate brown eyes. "I love you Doctor and I promise I will never, ever leave you." He smiled down at her then captured her lips with his.

Half an hour later he lay asleep. She was still awake, her head resting on his chest and her arm draped over his waist. "I love you Doctor and I promise, I'll find someway for us to be together forever, I promise I'm never letting you go ever again."

**A/N **Well what did y'all think? Please leave reviews, all are welcomed and all constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks for reading.

RoxxiSanders

XxxoxxX


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